I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
