I wannas sexs uuuuu
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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