i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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