My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
