I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
