I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She is in my trunk
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
