Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize