I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
