Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(864): View more from South Carolina

We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.

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(248): View more from Michigan

no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?

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(519): View more from Ontario

What color are my eyes?

(1-519): View more from Ontario

Ummmm... 34 C?

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(707): View more from California

You rang?

(405): View more from Oklahoma

Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.

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(602): View more from Arizona

You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick

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