She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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