Swine flu. Run for my life!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize