Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
