It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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