Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm at about main and main street
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
