i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
