This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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