So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
