I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
foreskin is a definite game changer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
