Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
where am i from again
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
FUCK WHALES
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