I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
