i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
