I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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