i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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