If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
