Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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