Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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