the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
