I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
