dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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