Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
