YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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