I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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