My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
