Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
