So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize