In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
