You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
