Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
