mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
