I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
