Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
