Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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