I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
