I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
