You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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