i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
