What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize