just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
