I'm really into asian looking animals
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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