i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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