i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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