He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
