no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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