in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
