Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
