Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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