remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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