She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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