so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
