I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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