my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
