Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
