Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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