Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
