According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
