"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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