He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
FUCK WHALES
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
