Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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