Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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