i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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