I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This baby is an asshole
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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