Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
