I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He better not be in your backpack
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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